My father invented ” Goober Grape”. It is Peanut Butter & Jelly striped together in the same jar. When I say he invented it…I mean he thought it up, when he was a kid. Technically the Smucker’s company launched this revolutionary product in 1968. But my father had been dreaming of the delicious duo in the same jar since he was a little boy which was around 1810 (I guess?) …… had he followed his vision and manufactured this deliciousness, the course of our lives would have been very different. Namely I wouldn’t have had to hear about how Smucker’s stole my fathers brain child, every time I ate a sandwich.
In truth, hearing about “Goober Grape” from a young age was very motivating. A side effect of my fathers angst, was a blossoming faith in ideas. Seeing “His” idea brought to fruition…albeit by someone else’s toil…it made me think that my own ideas could be brought to life.
I try to do that. Have an idea, follow it, see where it goes..I don’t want to have the regret of what if I had made this or that…I don’t want the horror of seeing my idea with someone else’s name on it….or GASP! some bad logo!!
SO… you can imagine how pissed I am today, to hear about Samantha Hess and her professional Portland based cuddling business. PISSED..and also kinda high five-ing her…well done Sam..well done. You may have seen this CNN video all over the internet about “Cuddle Up To Me” her platonic cuddling company. She charges $60 an hour to go to peoples houses and cuddle with them.
Why am I so pissed? EVERYONE TOLD ME IT COULDN’T BE DONE. So I am pissed at that everybody, and I am pissed at myself, and I am pissed that I never hit send on the gajillion newspaper ads that I wrote describing my Snuggle Service.
Turn that Thug Life into a Hug Life ? slogan, ehh?
I have wanted to start a snuggle company for years. But every time I mention it…someone puts their hand on my knee…”oh honey..That is a terrible idea” they say. My mind would be shut down by the “what if’s”, and “disaster fears” would swirl in my head. Somehow, my Snuggle service seemed synonymous with murder.
I started to question the sanity of anyone who would have answered the ad that I never posted.
What if they became obsessed…what if they had shotguns, what if they seem all jeans and teeshirt when we talk and I get to their house and they are all Adult diaper in their mommies nightgown. What if they strangle me, or chain me in a box under a fake floor, or what if they have an annoying hacking cough.. this couldn’t end well. NOT starting a snuggle business actually turned me into a paranoid shrew….my imagination would invent scenarios that I never would have thought of had I not been contemplating the selling of my snuggles. Of course, The universe makes no mistakes…it is entirely possible that my snuggle business’s failure to launch could have actually saved my life.
Last week I put an ad on craigslist looking for strangers for an art project…the person who answered didn’t want to be in my project. He is an obese nudist and he instead wanted me to take naked pictures of him in the woods…I mention this only because sometimes people totally freak me out. (Although he turned out to be super nice! my guess is that the “take naked pictures of me in the woods guys” aren’t always gonna be nice ).
I have drawn the conclusion there are two types of professional cuddlers Those who attract nice strangers.. respectful, lonely old businessmen who just want to feel a connection with someone at the end of a day. And those who attract the kind of strangers who want to chop them into bits and make goober grape with their bodies. I have a hunch I am the latter….just cause, well Vegas, The cuckold midget, the guy who likes feet….and the reason I had to write this list.
As for my new favorite company www.cuddleuptome.com…I wish genuine continued success and Very safe cuddles….and you know, if you are ever hiring…..
