It was beautiful out. So I wore flip flops. Flip flops are sketchy for me because of  The incident of which we do not speak.  It involved ant bites. I am incredibly weird about all biting insects now since the incident. I wear boots all summer, I don’t trust grass. But occasionally, to stay relevant I force myself to brave the elements in flip flops. I am kind of a hero that way.

SO I am feeling brave when I open the passenger side door to my minivan and scooch myself all the way over to the drivers side in my flip flops. The passenger side is the only remaining door handle I have on my car. Apparently we open doors with great force in my family.

I settle in and reverse out of the driveway, when I notice a silky thread on my arm. I have scooched myself into a cobweb I see. That’s kinda gross I think, but ehh, no biggie. A tree frogged jumped on me while I was IN the shower the other day and I didn’t even flinch. I can deal with a spiderweb, it’s not like it was a mayonnaise sandwich or something.

I just wiped it off my arm, whoa! That is a big cobweb, thick, man how long has it been since I drove this car? I mean this cobweb had formed a seatbelt from my head to the steering wheel, at least there was no spiders on it……oh hey look, little cute dots.

Little cute movings dots, why are all those dots moving…..so quickly all over me. OMG, I try to roll my window down, my windows are broken, OMG…they are on me, in an instant, crossing over my body and OMG.!!!!! I hit a car.

Yeah , so I hit a parked car across the street from my house yesterday.

I look like I am on fire as a swat the swarm of baby spiders from my body and instantly feel the familiar surge of adrenaline that indicates an imminent panic attack. If you don’t know what that’s like read here.  I can not get these baby spiders off me, even when they are off me I still feel them….This is an interesting week, first a make-up emergency... and now a car accident due to a horrific spider
infestation.  WARNING GRAPHIC PICTURE !! LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU HATE PICTURES OF BABY SPIDERS.

This is a tiny fraction of the remaining baby spiders ……. somebody please admire the fact that I did not have a psychotic break during this trauma. They were on my face! people!

The driver of the parked car is no where to be found, I am in an empty lot.  Empty except for the one lone car, which I of course hit. I hit it like I was meant to hit it. As if it was part of the universes divine plan.

An officer shows up to write the worlds longest most expensive citation for  ” failure to maintain lane due to spider distraction”.  Eventually the owner of the car appears. It seems I wrecked his car while he was in Bible study.  He was incredibly kind about the whole thing.

I have Drawn The Conclusion that all accidents should take place directly after one of the involved parties is exiting a bible study, I mean this dude was so sweet, called me ma’am, wished me a pleasant afternoon.  I may have taken out his front bumper…but I also made a friend.

I get to go to court and defend myself with visual aids next month. A few friends have suggested I take a bucket of plastic spiders with me and throw them at people…and go directly to jail.  I’m not gonna do that, but it’s pretty funny to think about. Even the car insurance guy asked me to stop talking due to heebie jeebies.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to share this moment from a day in my life…I just have a hunch it will make sense at some point, explaining some other future neurotic behavior.  I hope this never happens to anybody ever again on the planet.