Someone responded to my online dating profile, yeah! Before I read the message in my inbox I glance at his photo-less profile. Usually no photo is a red flag to me, but I give the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is a mobster or famous entertainer and needs to protect his identity…. on a free dating website…hmmm, nope it’s a red flag….but, Surprise, he seems articulate, funny, interesting! And he wrote to me! He doesn’t mention the passage from the generic man handbook “a laid back guy who just wants to have fun “, he doesn’t LOL, and because there is no picture, there is no picture of his home arrest ankle monitor, or his flexed bicep with a tattoo (true story) of his own phone number. My heart soars.
I open the mailbox to see simply this message
Personally I am pretty anti-tongue-ring as I discovered on my last online date...but I think if I had a connection with someone we would compromise. By compromise I mean, he would throw the tongue ring in a garbage receptacle in another state as far away from me as possible…..Couldn’t this funny faceless foot fetishist take a girl out for a pedicure? Or has he deduced that he wants a woman who already takes care of her feet, that therefore logically gets her hair done, brows waxed, spray tanned and everything else…Is he really saying I want a girl who shaves her lady parts…but he doesn’t want to be crass.
I try to look at my feet with sharper eyes, are they pretty? I can’t see them because of my belly..should I mention this? From what I recall the big toe is bigger then the others…that’s got to be good, what are the standards? Do I have edema? No ! Veins? some! are veins good or bad? can I do pretty things with my toes, like paint? Yes! put on lipstick? Yes! on my lips? Almost!
I don’t know how one even responds to the question ” Do you have pretty feet?”…I went with ” I do have pretty feet, if you like an extra toe”…. I haven’t heard back . I have drawn the conclusion that the super rude foot fetishist and I are probably not a love connection…. but I still wish he would ask me out….. I just have so many questions.
*Note: the above picture illustrates what I originally wanted to respond, “my fungus has almost cleared up, but I happen to have a cat anus on my foot, I hope thats OK? the neighborhood strays seem to find it attractive” …but I thought that was too much…I don’t want to offend…so I toned it down.
