I have a few theories on what is happening here.
1) I have a perverted stalker collecting my DNA and slowly building a duplicate me. When I leave my door ajar , he steals it and then crouches down in the bushes by my house inhaling my hair strands like high quality blow. My dog doesn’t bark because this stalker he has been doing it a long time. It would explain a lot of my missing things.
2) The other possibility is that I have a group of pranksters. In High School I contemplated starting a group called the Jack Tickle Prokers..Practical Joke Group, the idea was I would plan a monthly meeting, advertise with elaborate posters and the person who showed up would feel like an idiot, cause there was no meeting….genius really….except, I have this nagging suspicion that maybe this took off, maybe I planned a meeting and didn’t show up and other people did….and those other people united, plotted revenge against me, vowing that every few months one of them would track me down and steal my hairbrush. I know it seems vain, a little self obsessed to think anyone would care so much about my hairbrush, but I can think of no other explanation. I buy more hairbrushes then anyone I know. They just disappear.
Maybe you just misplace them ED…. I can see how one might think that, but aside from the hairbrush I once found in my driveway…I have never discovered a lost hairbrush…it is like they are cloaked in invisibility, self combusting, growing feet and running away from the torture of my bed locks (dreadlocks made from rolling over in bed) . Most of my lost things I find eventually, usually the day after I commandeer a replacement. I find keys in purses, glasses in drawers, pencils in pockets….but no hairbrushes.
I lost my hairbrush about 3 weeks ago. I have been making due with a plastic comb and the prongs from a broken hair clip….but now I find my whole bathroom is mocking me. I have a handheld mirror (for when I paint peoples faces…not for any other reason) it has the same handle as my “missing” hairbrush..and today for the THIRD time I reached for said handheld mirror and tried to brush my hair with it. They great thing about this is I get to see my own dumbfounded reflection as the realization crosses my face…wow ED..This is not a hairbrush. Shakes head at own self..like when the phone rings and I answer the remote control.
I have drawn the conclusion that someone out there really really likes me, or really really doesn’t…either way well played. Oh by the way…I installed a GPS unit in the handle of my hairbrush…wait for it…FroJack….Anyway gigs up my friend, I’m coming to get you.
