While sitting at Starbucks this morning , I happened to look out the window… at the very same time a man was crossing the street, and a bird landed on a railing. This gave the illusion of a giant bird with human legs walking towards me. Being one of ,what I assume, millions of people who have waited the better part of their lives to see such a hybrid manimal, I was shocked by my own lackadaisical response. I actually heard myself think, in the same way I might think, “Hey There’s a red car” or “She should rethink that outfit”… “oh look a birdwalker”
I really didnt even flinch( resisting finch comment) Not even a double take. I just passively accepted into my reality this giant Bird with Human legs, so common in fact that my brain already catagorized its species and called it by name. Birdwalker. Why would this be , I thought to myself, I nearly jumped out from between my own ears when I first laid eyes on a Zonkey ( half zebra half donkey) and sometimes my imagination plays such tricks on me that ordinary garbage will look like something unexpected and scare the bejeezus out of me. For several weeks there was a piece of carpet on the side of the road I drive home on, it must have fallen out the back of some workmans truck.. or maybe it was pushed out by some gangsters who used it to carry their last victim down a flight of stairs. regardless, it was some old carpet in a ditch. I drove by it everyday I knew it was there, but every night I would swerve in panic because it looked just like a dead kangaroo.
Now, as far as I know , a giant Birdwalker is walking straight towards me, and I reach for my chai latte. Is the juxtaposition of bird on people legs so regular in our society that it doesnt deserve a second look? what about Birds with pants, did I mention there were pants on those human legs? The only assumption I can make is that of a Jay walker. Maybe I have heard that term often enough that I already put a mental bird on imaginary legs in my head, maybe thats why it didnt seem out of sorts. I wouldnt look twice at a car with a jar of jam for a door, because thats what I see in my head whenever I hear that a door is ajar.
Startled is a reaction we have to the unexpected. I learned this lesson 15 years ago while walking along the river with my friend River, (it sounds like im making that up, but I really was walking with a River along a river) we must have been 2 or three miles from town when a gentleman riding a bike passed us. A few minutes later he returned only this time he was not wearing pants. My friend River carried on with the conversation, while I was gulping for air , physically shaking, it affected me, scared me, made me sick inside..I dont know why? The visual assault, the unexpectedness of it all, the implication of doom. It made me fear for my safety. I admit it may be a tad melodramatic to say my life flashed before my eyes when I saw a man riding a bike with his winky out…But thats what happened.
As I said , my friend River was completely unphased by the episode, I doubt she even remembers it which doesn’t help to corroborate the fact that she was indeed walking along a river with me. But that is because her life is screwier then a nutmaker in a bolt factory. That is to say River has seen some shit. It’s possible her own milkman delivered milk without pants on. Her brain already anticipated the possibility, she was ready for it. I dont know what it means that I am more comfortable with a Birdman than a naked man..But I will say it finally got me to put a jaywalker on paper. and now you can finally buy a bumpersticker if you like.
On a completely unrelated note I can say only 2 things in american sign language 1.) I am thirsty and 2.) I killed a kangaroo with a dead fish. I can prove this via video post if anyone wants to challenge me..My point is this..it’s pretty interesting that a dead kangaroo would also haunt my roadways, considering it is one of two things I taught myself to say in sign language…I conclude this. I saw it, because I already thought it, and it scared me, because deep down, I knew I killed that carpet with a dead fish.
