I never confuse the feelings of sex and love. But I do struggle with the feelings of sex and scrabble. A pleasure so deeply erotic I am confused by it, obsessed, absorbed, longing, craving…straight up addicted.
I am also reading the Shades of Gray Books…They might be getting to me…. Where was I…Oh yes. My inappropriate relationship with scrabble. It all started innocently enough about 4 years ago. I started playing on line. Playing scrabble on line is much better then playing one on one. You can philander. You can have multiple games going with multiple people. It is a free loving free for all. Sometimes I would skype and play scrabble at the same time. I thought about maybe starting a website where people could pay to watch me play scrabble…I may have a weight problem..but I am a very sexy thinker..maybe voyeurs could even suggest what words to form and I could enact the fantasy for them, laying tiles down one by one… I would play late into the night and first thing in the morning. Eventually I discovered the thrill of playing scrabble in public…On my iphone..gasp..in the check out line of the grocery store…It turned my regularly anxious demeanor, supple and relaxed. I could now stand in lines forever, enjoy a good wait, join the mile high club, relish a screw up at the drs. office. I was good to go, constantly satisfied. A nice triple letter score would put a smile on my face for the whole day…people even said I had a glow…
But quickly that glow turned darker in pallor… I wouldn’t say I am the kind of girl that if you give me an inch Im gonna take a mile..that is just greedy..but if you give me an inch I am probably gonna take an inch and a half. It adds up..its just a more polite mile to take. 2 scrabble games turned to 4, 4 to eight, 8 to 20…I was playing scrabble with perfect strangers in the middle of the night, trolling the dark streets of cyberspace looking to get a fix. I would wake up in the middle of the night and check my scrabble stats. I was under a spell..get it a “Spell” aghhh I slay me…. At one point a had a 40 game a day habit, I started to think I had a problem, couldn’t concentrate, would go out to dinner with actual people and hide in the bathroom playing scrabble with virtual people. When I phone scrabble seemed to rude I would play “Air scrabble” a hybrid game of my own invention, in which I would visualize words floating in the air and then intersect them in my mind.
Then..I hit rock bottom..I work in my studio, in my home, in my pajamas…I couldn’t have a sweeter gig…but discipline is key. I have to stay on track with projects to pay the bills, I have flexibility…but also accountability. One morning, I got up to work, I had a desk full of projects, I told myself ..One game ED….and the next thing I new it was 3 in the morning, I was covered in sweat and cracker crumbs. I was a scrabble slut rearranged from scrabble lust.. It was a Nicholas Cage in”Leaving Las Vegas”moment…and I decided right then and there I was gonna have a happier ending.
I quit cold turkey. I have not played a game of Scrabble in months…I am forgetting my two letter words…I have drawn the conclusion that it is quixotic to maintain this sort of abstinence forever…but that sometimes you need to take a break from routine, focus on new pursuits. Thank you for asking to play scrabble with me, you seem like you would be very good at it.. someone with a huge vocabulary who knows how to use it. I’m just not interested..Really, it’s not you..it’s me. .I have gone on Scrabbatical…I am hoping my time off will do me good.
note* in my book, scrabble is a rock star.
