I love my friends. But I can’t help to compare them to my other “Friends”. Ross, Rachel, Joey, Chandler, Monica and Phoebe. My sitcom fetish has really compromised my reality show. (by reality show, I mean life) In the same way that movies have ruined love. I was watching the “Terminator” the other day ….. I am thoroughly annoyed that John Connors father travelled thru time to be with the woman he loved. It is an unrealistic expectation, considering that I can’t get a guy to fiddle with my ductwork…that I should also expect him to leap thru time and space for my love. ( and by ductwork, I mean ductwork….it’s totally screwy)

The endless comparison to what we see around us is natural. That’s why we all want to look like the cover girls on magazines and that’s why I want fatter girls on magazine covers. But with sitcoms it is something deeper then the way things look. It’s emotional. When I say “The Friends” were my friends…I am only one third kidding. I laughed with them, cried with them, and I’m not the only one, you did too…as with Seinfeld and The Big Bang Theory and every other show that you get in bed with.

I don’t watch a lot of television now. Because I don’t like the comparison, I don’t want to watch someone else’s adventures, I want to have my own. That being said, I do have Hulu plus and sometimes late at night I feel the familiar urge to make friends…to fall in love unrequited. TV is the greatest one sided relationship ever.

Last year I discovered The New Girl…It stars Zooey Deschanel as the quirky and eccentric girl roommate in a loft full of unlikely men. Her character name is Jess and I relate to her on many levels. Jess is my newest friend. I think we have a lot in common. I too once lived with a bunch of guys in a big house. It was fantastic. I think we can all look back on that time as the period in which I went Guano Crazy. We worked together at a Sex Offender Treatment Facility …. Why this was not pitched as a sitcom in itself is mind-boggling. We converted the main room of our old country farmhouse into a bar replete with darts and beer pong table. I immediately fell madly in love with one of my roommates and hilarity ensued. With episodes like ” The time we built a giant paper mâché dragon on the porch and filled it with candy for the sex offenders” or ” The time we played beer pong with a live rat” or “The time I bought a sexy leather and chains stripper outfit and they boy I loved dressed some other girl in it and took pictures of her wearing it on my bed with my camera” and then all of  the episode that were ” Me crying in the driveway holding on to the front bumper of his truck, begging him not to leave” …..oh I know why that would have been a terrible sitcom.

My reality show has calmed down a bit. Nothing anyone would care to watch on television. That is until now.

I am on a mission to make my own life more watchable. 

I realized I was missing an important ingredient to living a more sitcomy life. Not just hair and makeup people… I have drawn the conclusion that the key to living a life worth tuning in for is… situations.  I need more situations. More twists,  monkeys, characters. and challenges in my script.  It is a concerted effort to create a situation, Yesterday ” The one where I didn’t wear a bra”…went well but it would have been funnier had I incorporated the emergent need to trampoline or hide stuff in my bra that kept falling thru my shirt onto the floor. I can’t wait to organize tomorrows situation.

Oh Why Is there a picture of Nikola Tesla and the pigeon he was in love with…well cause I just drew it and it makes me happy and prints are available…and…..he would have made a great sitcom. Especially if you told it from the birds point of view.