Before I had kids, I just had opinions.  I will never let MY kids rot their brains on television. MY kids will be well mannered, MY kids will never eat “Lunchables” or ” Spongebob GoGurts”….when I would see filthy snot nosed children running around with crusted spaghetti sauce all over their cheeks, I would think “Why don’t THOSE parents just wipe their kids faces” … MY kids will never have dirty faces. Topping the list of how much better a parent then all existing parents I would hypothetically be is …. MY children will NEVER wear those store bought halloween costumes.
   
If you have children you are laughing at me.  You also may guess that my 5 and 6 year old boys are at this very moment punching each other in the head with the inflatable guns I swore I would never buy, dripping popsicles onto their ketchup stains while watching “Ninjago” past their bedtimes.  Clearly this Halloween thing is all I’m hanging onto.

It is not that I am opposed to cheap flammable outfits that every other kid in the neighborhood has.
( And by cheap I mean we could finance a space jump or we could buy Super Mario Bros. costumes )  I think my hesitation is more about what the costumes represent to me…The last modicum of control.  Up until now, their adorableness was a direct result of MY awesomeness.  They were like little extensions of self expression. I could dress them how I want ( like rock stars ), put them in classes that interest me ( hip hop and drums ) Ignoring their interests in soccer ( yawn ) Redirecting their desire for “Angry Birds” tee-shirts with the distraction of cool non commercial dinosaur tee-shirts that I like better, ” rawwwwrrr lets get these dino shirts  then grab some ice cream”.  I could persuade, bribe…trick them into being and doing what I like.

Now they have ideas of their own…and some of them are for sale at Walmart for $39.99.  So there is this dilemma, Do I let them be themselves? Or do I control their creativity? Can I live with a Ghostbuster and A Green Lantern, straight out of a plastic bag…or must I intervene with “Mad Scientist Robots!” .  I’m busy, I have stuff to do, I finally cleaned up my kitchen I don’t need another hot-glue glitter explosion…it would be sooo easy to just buy an outfit, everything included. In the time it has taken me to extrapolate the query, I could have bought the costumes already with time left to change a tire (AKA time to spare) …and yet…I feel the need to stay it off one more year, to push that impending independence back just a little longer.

I have drawn the conclusion that…it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I pimp out my kid in the finest disguise money can buy, or throw him in a bag of garbage with a box of Ramen on his head. It doesn’t matter in the same way it doesn’t matter which bottle nipple I chose to use when they were born, oy vey the time I spent deliberating over the perfect nipple!  Next year…I will let them make their own decisions…maybe….But this year….let’s just say, their not gonna be thrilled when I show the slideshow at their wedding.  I just couldn’t let go…We made these out of trash from our house and some air conditioning duct work…I bet they last 3 minutes trolling the neighborhood in these “scratchy” “I can’t see” “Mom the arms are cutting me” “I wanted to be a police car!” creations…..but at least I’m happy … I mean seriously cutest things ever right!