I was eating some baby carrots a few months ago…and I really got to thinking about how they got so small and finger shaped…so I called the phone number on the back of the bag. I asked all of my baby carrot questions. What are they? Do they grow that way? Are they ground up and then pieced back together? Where’s the green part? Are they shaved by hand or machine? I wanted to know…so the carrot savant on the other end of the phone in miniature vegetable land begins to fill me in…she was a fountain of knowledge, answered all my questions and even some I didn’t know to ask… I learned so much about baby carrots that I too wanted to share with the world…so utilizing my current phone number I set up my own baby carrot hotline…why let all this hot knowledge go to waste.
It is no surprise that my personal baby carrot hotline response was enormous, texts coming in all day, suggestive pictures you don’t even want to know about. I received carrot jokes… If a snowman chooses his own carrot…is he picking his nose? I received carrot propositions…hey doll face I have a full size carrot with your name on it… I even started a brief business of drawing famous people as carrots…carrotatures..my Carrot Guthrie…is something to behold .
It made for a very interesting 24hours… But honestly the daily upkeep of the carrot hotline business was more then I could chew. I had to set it aside and pursue other more lucrative ventures. Which brings me to the present time. Yesterday I was eating a bag of baby carrots. I started to think, huh what are these, how do they get so small. And then I froze……with the realization that I had FORGOTTEN all of the carrot knowledge that I had previously committed to memory..gone, nothing, no trace of what I had learned, it’s like I had never even called that carrot hotline…like I never made my own ” Ask me about Baby Carrots tee shirt * ” or fielded carrot questions for an entire day… This disturbing realization unveiled all the other things I once new but have forgotten… I have no idea where my morse code went. Or how to communicate with nautical flags. I used to know this stuff and now it’s gone. Do you get any credit at all for knowledge lost ? It seems so unfair that all the smartness points you gain from learning something are erased when you forget that something. The points should, in my opinion really be given like medals for combat veterans ….like those guys aren’t fighting presently but we honor them for their achievements…wow that is an offensive analogy…
I guess I have drawn this conclusion…I leave a trail behind me of things that keep falling out my brain holes , somewhere there is a sidewalk littered with my ability to tell military time, french braid and play the recorder… none of it has my name on it…But I still want credit for the things I once knew…. If you should ever stumble upon a baby carrot in the road…and you WILL stumble upon a roadside carrot…It’s mine. It fell outta my head… If there is anything you need to know about it…your gonna have to call the hotline yourself.
* ok..so I didn’t actually make an “Ask me about Baby Carrots tee shirt”
but I do have a lovely ” I heart Beets” tee-shirt ..available here. http://www.cafepress.com/spaceopossum.621173728
