I live in the greatest town. I am just a few blocks away from everything a girl could want.  The best way to explore this area is on a bike. I don’t know how to ride a bike. That’s not true. I taught myself to ride a bike for a triathlon 3 years ago. That was before the “The Great Ass Sit of 2009” when I just rested on my Laurels and gained 100 pounds ( by Laurels I mean ass…yes I named my ass )  While training for the triathlon I discovered two things. LOVE to swim,  HATE to ride a bike.  There is a reason it took so long to invent the wheel.

This is what I don’t like about riding a bike.  You have to balance yourself.  I have trouble doing that just on my feet. Like a lot of trouble…even laying down sometimes I feel like I am falling.  I probably roll an ankle every 45 minutes. The other day I fell into my bathtub..I wasn’t even near the bathtub I just lost my balance while looking in the mirror. I reached out to stabilize myself on the shower curtain.  That did not work as well as you might think.  Now I have a new shower curtain.

If you care for me at all, you should be thinking…” Yeah that girl should not ride a two wheeled bike…or walk in high heels…or become a roofer ”  I agree.  That leaves me with THREE choices.
Bicycle rickshaw. Adult Tricycle. Multi-person Boardwalk Surrey.

I began my search on google and began reading reviews of each of my options, the results befuddled me.  SO I conducted my very own scientific research study to determine the best mode of transportation. I posted a query on Facebook.

” I need some serious advice. I would like the capacity to carry my sketchbooks, children, picnics, groceries, things I find in other peoples trash, and if I ever get a miniature pet pig, room for her too. Which of these options would make me appear LEAST mentally unwell?

An adult tricycle? ( The kind hip grandparents use to scoot around retirement communities)

A 2 person bicycle surrey? (like the kind on a boardwalk with a striped canopy)

or a bike rickshaw? ( the kind where people pay you money to put your buttocks in their face and drive them around India )”
    
I received 30 responses. The vast majority voted for the adult tricycle. In fact, besides the comedian who suggested a unicycle and the one shout out for the rickshaw…everybody said Tricycle.  Here is my beef.  I read the reviews on adult tricycles.  Every single one of them read like a brochure for a head injury facility.  In fact most of them were written by other people for people who did not have the capacity to write their own reviews. I did not see a photo of anyone under 85 years old on one…to the point I am thinking I should just bite the bullet and get a HoverRound ( apparently if I qualify, I could even get my HoverRound at no cost to me )
 
I have to wonder how terminally un-cool you have to be for consensus to recommend a bike for the infirm as opposed to the “Fun and family oriented ” bike surrey or the “money making machine ” that is the rickshaw.  It makes me wonder if maybe I have a head injury and no one has told me.

Then it occured to me…and this is what I am going with…..Ya’ll think I am SOO cool, that I can do nothing un-cool…and if per chance I cross the dweebus maximus line into dorkery….I will make whatever I touch, cool, just by association with my awesomeness.  Oddly this is the same argument my father uses in defense of his striped flannel nightshirts.  I appreciate the confidence. I intend to rock it out.

Now you are probably wondering what it matters. How could I possibly afford the purchase of a luxury vehicle at this juncture in my life when I can’t seem to provide appropriate length pantaloons for my sprouting children.  Well I have drawn this conclusion….it is called the “LAW OF SQUIRREL.” A few weeks ago I mentioned that I had reached full throttle desire to hold a baby squirrel…and within 72 hours the wish was fulfilled. That is the way of the universe.  You have to start with a vision. You are never given more then you can handle and in fact, that which comes your way is exactly what is supposed to be there.   I believe the freedom and mobility of riding a bike will challenge my perspective and bring a sense of adventure back to my life.  Adventure that has been out of reach since the monster of a panic disorder invaded my life.   It is just a bike, but I like to think of it as a vehicle for change.

I know it is waiting for me, just around the corner.